The Past, The Present, The Future.....

As we look at our pasts, we might see Happy blessings, or Sad moments, we all perceive things differently. This is a normal way of life. We want nothing more than to be Happy and Safe. But as we look into our Futures, we don't always see in color, we are gazing in black and white. When I was little like ,all little girls, I would dream about my future. What are we really on earth to do? Do you have a purpose that you are full filling? What are you Presently doing that full fills Happiness for you? Is it teaching, or mothering, or preaching, maybe guiding, or helping? I think its safe to say, we more than likely will do one of these in some since.

I Presently am having a hard time finding my Happy place. With Father's Day approaching, I am feeling sad, hurt, angry and just blah. I really don't think I ever grieved for my father after he past. Yes we all have different ways of doing this, I have always felt like he was gone on a trip out of the country, something he often did. I keep waiting on his return. I have dreams of him being in a button up Hawaiian looking shirt, and waving me to come on. I often have conversations with him in my childhood home (which is were I live now with my family), which is where he passed. I believe he is here somewhere trying to help me, and guide me .

That Forrest Gump saying.. " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gunna get." Well its definitely my motto. I can't change the Past or Fix anything I broke, or bring any of the people I loved back to life, I can however, Learn from my mistakes, Smile and live in the Present, and stop worrying about what my future will hold.

 Hold your kids, talk to them. Give them the feelings of Hope and encouragement, It is so important. Tell them you love them, even when you are about to pull your hair out. I don't want my kids to remember me as their mean old momma, who always said NO! and never let them play in the mud. I have to learn to let Go, and stop worrying, baby steps.. How ?is it possible to have a clean house, and feel carefree? is it possible? 

 I feel like I am being selfish by not doing some of the things I use to do, But I am going through some changes in my life, Where I am putting myself, my kids and my husband needs first, I have spent most of my life doing for others, or helping others, or asking others what can I do to help. Well I am done with all that right now and I am giving my life a much needed makeover. TWANDA THE AVENGER..  

Movies of the week to watch are:                                

Just Another Manic Monday.. Wish It Were Sunday Thats My Fun Day...

Why is it that Mondays are always so Yuck.. I use Mondays for catching up on all the things I didn't do all weekend.  I usually spend the first half of the day running around like a chicken with its head cut off, finishing up laundry and cleaning up messes. Sundays are so peaceful and nice that I just want it to never end. Even if we don't do a thing but sit around the house and watch movies all day, it is still so peaceful and relaxing. I think my husband Procrastinates a lot, he works so much that a lot of times our plans get put on the back burner, because he has to work. I use to be a planner, and I am for the week, but on weekends we never know. I remember when I was little we would all pile into the car and go on Sunday Drives. I use to act like we were on an adventure, going to a place we had never been before, it was exciting I thought, I still like to do that, but kids like way more exciting things nowadays. Going to Amusement parks, and to a friends house or to the lake, or out to eat. It seems like they don't really like family time, unless it involves them getting something. I really never imagined that I would raise selfish children. Its upsetting to think they only care about themselves. I am sure I was the same when I was little. I am thinking about some activities I can do with them to show them family is important, and its not OK to be selfish all the time, there is a time and place for it.  I learn more everyday about being a mother, they teach me more then they know. Life is like a book, you have chapters in it, and its up to you to write a new chapter, or you will be rereading the same chapter over and over.

Trust Your Instincts....Like A Chameleon...

I have always been a pretty good judge of character. I guess throughout my life I have let other people pull me in places I did not really want to be or feel comfortable. Over the last few days I have watched my family and listened closely to how we all adjust to one another. Really I think its all about Adjusting, It made me think of a chameleon. I have noticed a lot of things lately, as I have been trying to slow down my life before it passes by. I have noticed that people act different ways when put in different situations. Like a chameleon would change colors. I guess what I am trying to get across is we all try to fit in to our surroundings whether they be right for us or not. We evolve into what we have or What we have been taught. If you hear a bunch of ladies, talking about the weather, you will chime in and say a piece about the weather, so that you can feel accepted into the conversation, not because you want to know what the weather may be, but because you don't want to stand alone. I realized today, I seem to be doing this a lot. But I realized we don't have to be alone, we are only alone if we allow ourselves to be. I have been struggling with a few things lately that had me feeling alone, like I was the only person in the world that could feel this way. Then back to Mondays blog, out of nowhere a person came into my life unexpectedly, leaving footprints, and in a moment just one moment somehow we were able to connect ourselves to a specific thing going on in our lives. God was watching me, knowing I needed some guidance to handle this. As I sat and listened to her speak I was floor boarded, by how I began to feel. Was this anger, Was this sanity, Was this True. NO, It Was Real Life. My Life.. As I listened very carefully to her, I felt a moment of peace. As Tuesday past, I thought a lot about what we had talked about and what she had said. Then this morning as I began to second guess myself, my phone rang, it was her she had invited me to sit with her and talk, at first I was hesitant and thought, it was a perfect time for me, so I accepted. I do not think I have laughed or cried so much at one time in my life. I learned so many things as I listened to her tell me her story. I thought could this be possible, could I not be crazy. At one point I found myself sobbing as she tried to comfort me with a hug. She explained a lot to me and I have gathered a bunch of information. So hopefully I will be able to understand more soon. I should have trusted in myself along time ago and did what my heart and what my gut or instincts were telling me. I should have followed through. Now as I get ready to go on a Journey in Life, I will never again second guess myself on matters that need to be addressed. I will always handle things, knowing that my judgement is probably for the best. Don't let other people or even Doctors, change your mind about things that you know in your heart to be true. Just because you think you are alone on them does not mean you are. In the end it all comes down to YOU.. What YOU can do, First Trust in Your Instincts, Secondly Be Yourself Not a Chameleon. If people can't see the real you, then you will never know who your real friends are. You will never know who you really are. Be true to yourself..

Right Place Right Time...

Ever Been at the Right Place at the Right Time? Ever Meet a Person randomly and then wondered how weird it was that they came out of no where when you least expected it. I like to think of this as Fingerprints that are left in our hearts. Someone or something that has touched your heart for what ever reason at that time, and it makes an instant impact on you from then on. Or even Music or Movies may do this to you. Its like a vulnerable feeling that we have when we breathe in, and then exhale as we open our eyes widely and then close them slowly. I have had several people come in and out of my life at different times, never knowing when they would leave or something would happen. But they were there at that specific time for a specific reason. Either as a Friend, or to show me something I couldn't see on my own, or to feel something, that my heart needed to feel. As Mysterious as it all is, It is what it is. I can remember being a kid and having the bestest friends ever, and then wondering why we had to move and how I would never have friends like that again. But once we moved I would meet new friends ,but when you are young, you don't remember to write or call you just went on with your life.What is our excuses now as adults, busy, kids, work, LIFE. We lose connection, with all of the technology available why is that. I feel like we have all lost connections. Example, The other day A friend was visiting and she has a very small cute baby, my husband was in the garage when a man pulled up to talk with him, the man happened to know my friend, so they spoke, the man asked his wife to get out of the car and come see the cute baby, when the wife replied, "I don't see why I have to get out, I seen that baby on Facebook." O.k. Really we have came down to a life of No communication in the Physical since. I realized at the very moment that I saw all this take place for a reason, the reason being that I myself do not communicate well, I text, I e-mail, I Facebook, I send ecards, or I mail cards, but I don't call or visit. Is this acceptable. Do you feel unconnected at times? Do you feel you Have been in the Right Place at the Right Time? Please Share.. You could, Text me or e-mail me, or write me, or Facebook me..lol

Take Time To Know You.....

How many of us can honestly say that we know who we are. I have decided that with everyday that goes by I learn something new about myself. I use to be an impatient person, but the older I get the more impatient I become. Ha Ha... Really I use to be a very unorganized person, But now with the Fly Lady I am extremely organized. I make charts for the kids, and for me. I have certain days for certain things. I have begun to get my life back on track. So Starting next week I am going to start taking a little time for me. Waking up earlier than the Family to get a few minutes for me. Computer time, or TV, time, or workout time. As long as its me time. I have also started doing a nice deed for my Husband on Fridays, whether it be making his favorite Dessert or straightening the garage for him, I try to find something nice to do for him. All of my children will be going to a Kiddie Camp next week from 8-11. I am trying to plan a few things for me during that time.  Soon I will be home by myself all day. So its a good time to start a bit of research for that time. I always have tried to take a little time for me, but over the last 10 years its been a struggle. There is only one WIFE and one MOTHER so you have to split your time around, and then when you add in Family and Friends you wind up with ZERO time.  It is So important to take time for yourself, its important for you and your family. If you are turning in to a coocoo bird then they are probably feeling that wrath also. Also if you don't feel pretty or attractive then you won't feel like being romantic with your significant other either. So it is so important to add in your routine some me time.  So Get to it...